Me? Organized??

Welp, the neighbors have moved out. I can't tell you how amazing it is to be able to sit in the living room in silence. We can keep the windows open longer than five minutes and NOT smell cigarette smoke. It's simply wonderful. We went to the leasing office this afternoon to renew our lease ( yay!) and he told us that they destroyed the apartment. Profanities all over the walls. Blegh. I feel bad for maintenance. But anyway, it feels good to like being home.

Random thought: When I was living at my parents, tidiness was never a concern for me. My room was always a mess and I never cared. Sure once in a blue moon I decided to clean the closet or something but it wasn't something that took up a lot of thought space in my brain. But now!! I don't know if it's the being married and more domesticated thing but if something isn't put back right, it nags me till it's fixed. Like when I put the toothpaste on the counter instead of in the drawer where it belongs my brain just freaks out and keeps bugging me till I put it away. Or if there's too much clutter in the apartment( the kitchen especially) it bugs the crap out of me! What the heck?? I won't lie...when I moved in after the wedding and about a week or so went by and the bathroom started getting dirty, the kitchen got messier etc, it dawned on me that "oh...that's MY responsibility now". Sad, I know. But my cleaning experience went as far as the chores my mom gave me, and I was never a fan. I really am still not a fan of cleaning at all. Yeah, there is a certain appreciation to feeling accomplished after cleaning a room. But staying on top of it is the real issue for me. I really am trying to get better, and I think I have since the wedding, but it needs to be more routine for me. I'm reading a book on how to be organized. I'm enjoying it, strangely enough but I have some new fun ideas on how to utilize what space we have in the apartment. Organizing closets and cabinet space. It really is quite fun. The book also talks about making lists for each day and what chores to accomplish. But...why can't everything be dust free?? Why can't the carpet stay clean?? Though we don't do much entertaining, I think I should act as though people could pop in whenever. Like, would I really want them walking in when there are papers scattered everywhere, chinchilla food on the floor, dirty dishes all over the counter??? Probably not. If nothing else, I should keep it clean for Kyle. He goes to work all day to give us a place to live and I really have no right to let it get so nasty. See? Make myself feel guilty and maybe I'll suck it up and clean something.

Anyway....I think in my old age I enjoy being organized a lot more. I like lists, I should use them more. I like reorganizing rooms but hate dusting. Eh, I'm changing each day. I'm still so naive and immature, but things like being organized is a step towards maturity, I think anyway. Take it all a day at a time.

Life is good. :-)

Peace and Quiet

       I always enjoyed babysitting, I still do in my old married age :-) Getting to play with cute little kids and them actually enjoying your company and attention. They beg their parents to let you babysit again soon. Until they reach a certain age that is. Seems like that age is getting younger and younger. They start acting out and doing their own thing. They don't listen to your parents so why would they even think about listening to you? I didn't enjoy those babysitting jobs as much if at all. I could branch off into many different directions at this point like how this generation is just pathetic and lazy and yuck. But today, my beef is about respect or lack there of. Mostly the latter. Oh and common sense.
      Kyle and I live in an apartment we rent in a nice area. It's not in the city for which I am thankful for. We have had no problems living here up until a month or two ago. We understand that it's an apartment therefore, things will not always be quiet and "normal" Normal being what we were used to living in our parents houses. So over the months, we've gotten used to the noises and people and junk that comes with living here. And we were doing quite well, until these teenage looking children moved in next door. Apparently every night is a party night. They are loud and destructive and they have no respect at all. The cops have been over there twice I believe. That I know of. We've(along with others) complained to management about them. Its been months and they're still not gone. As far as we can tell the person who is supposed to be living there doesn't work or have a car. There are people coming and going all 24 hours of the day slamming doors, yelling, screaming, jumping, hopping, throwing things against the joint wall. And the list really does go on. The biggest question I have( out of many) is how does the question "Is this disturbing the neighbors? Will they be annoyed? Is what I'm doing being respectful to the people around me?" Granted this is more than one question but whatever. This is just pure vent now.
      Now sadly I have a very short fuse. I am very quick to anger. Too quick. Though the worst I've done is punch the drywall who knows what I'll do. And I HATE that. I hate that I have to live somewhere where I can't be comfortable. I need to work on my anger. But it's gotten to the point where Kyle, who is the most patient person I know has gotten annoyed with it. It's affecting me, it's affecting him, which in turn is affecting our marriage. It's been a struggle, mostly for me to keep it under control. I am not proud of that at all. But in my defense...how stupid and idiotic does one need to be to not know where the respect line is. Common sense people! You live in an apartment building, you have people below you, beside you, behind you, all around you and you don't have enough sense to behave like a human being. Maybe that's the problem. People are becoming dumber by the day if you ask me. Parents don't raise their children right, or at all which possibly leads to kids having kids then those kids grow up not knowing how to act like a human. It's all so barbaric.
    Through all this venting, I don't think I feel much better. I feel like all we can do( all we've been doing) is sitting here, listening to them be animals and being the better person. Taking the high road. Retaliation is sinking to their level. We've complained. The laws been there. What else is there to do. Our lease is soon up and if they don't move I do not want to stay. If we leave, and tell management why, why would they care. All we are is a space to fill then. People need places to live. No one cares what we say or the reasons we're displeased. Where in the world and at what point in our lives do we get the respect that we deserve?? I've yet to see it and it makes me sick.
      So now that I think I'm done....this whole experience makes me want a house in the middle of nowhere. Not that I wouldn't have wanted that before but ya know. Now I feel like there's no other option for us to live sanely.

It's hard to love people. Almost impossible to tolerate them.

Mice, Mice and more Mice

As we keep getting further and further into this new year, the end of our one year lease is looming upon us. At the end of 2011 Kyle and I kept sweeping the idea of buying a house under the rug. So finally in January we brought it out in the open and seriously considered it. We looked online at places we thought would be in our budget, asked people's advice and eventually we went to see one where we met a real estate agent who was nice and emailed us some more options. But after going to see a serious fixer upper( and feeling a bit overwhelmed) we kind of realized that now is probably not the best time for several reasons. One: money. Two: Location, since Kyle isn't 100% settled into a permanent branch, and three: money. A fixer upper would be fun I think, but money would hold us back tremendously. SO ultimately we decided to stay put. We are so grateful to be able to afford a nice apartment that has a pretty central location. However, of course apartment living has its serious downfalls. Thank goodness for Kyle'e patient nature and tolerance of me, because otherwise some neighbors would hear some awful words. Ya know, petty things such as a dog that won't stop barking, next door neighbors having parties every night complete with yelling, screaming, jumping around and just plain being rude. Those things honestly just require some self control and patience on my part and believe me I am being challenged.
Also, as the weather gets colder and more threatening for small animals, they decide that our apartment is a great place to live. About a month back Kyle saw a mouse in the kitchen, so management laid some traps and that was that for awhile. Then about a week ago we kept seeing them in the living room and kitchen. I'm sorry, but I'm not spending my winter sharing this place with sneaky little rodents. Unless they are ready to pay half our rent I won't have any of it. So we had a few more traps laid and sure enough so far we have caught a total of 4 mice. FOUR. Plus as I'm sitting here I saw another one creeping in the corner of my eye. Needless to say, we spent too much time going on mouse hunts this week and I'm just about sick of it. It's not my favorite past time/hobby. So I suppose all I can do is wait until the traps get them all. I guess.

In other happy news, we're leaving for Florida in 2 weeks!! THIS one of my favorite things to do. My grandparents have a little home down there so we go and visit almost every year. This time though Kyle is coming along! He's never been on a plane or in Florida, so it's going to be 10 times more fun to watch him experience all this fun stuff. We're going to Islands of Adventure to see Harry Potter and enjoy all their other fun stuff. My parents and brother are coming along also. The more the merrier!! There's just nothing better than waking up( when I want), not having to be anywhere, spending the day doing nothing and everything we want with the people I love. Just sitting outside reading a book enjoying the sun and soft breeze would satisfy me. I miss warm weather, even though this winter has been awful kind to us. Two more weeks...

Well, this post wasn't terribly inspiring or anything but I haven't said much in awhile so yeah.

Learning through Struggling

They say that the first year of marriage is the hardest. Obviously I don't have enough experience to know if it's the hardest but it sure isn't easy. I think Kyle and I are still in the honeymoon phase but we're also very aware of reality as well. No matter what, he always makes me the happiest girl in the world, and I LOVE that. Recently there have been stresses at work which in turn puts some stress on us. I suppose that's normal  in any marriage. Except, I feel like it shouldn't be normal. At least not the "us" part. As much as I hate to admit this, I'm most of the reason that there has been stress at home. I have a temper, I'm quite emotional ( and over-emotional) and very very selfish. I can't stand that I am these things and they have always been a problem. I have my days where I can't stand myself and then I throw a pity party, of course only making things worse instead of putting effort into improving them. This week especially has been tough. Without boring you with details, basically Kyle would come home from an EXTREMELY long day at work and I would be angry at him for not letting me know that he'll be late again. By the way- this happens almost everyday. At first, I blamed him, then I blamed his job and coworkers. But no, I have now come to realize that the true problem is yours truly. Yeah sure, maybe some of his coworkers are lazy and don't do what their supposed to, and yes maybe Kyle really is busy the whole day so his first thought obviously won't be to text or call me, but to do his best and finish his work so he can leave and come home to me.
      I was so blinded by selfishness all I did was worry about Kyle not texting ME, Kyle not talking to ME, not coming home to see ME when his schedule said he was supposed to. Maybe this hell week wasn't all bad. It sucked for sure but I think God needs to do that...to open our eyes and realize how selfish we can be. See here I go again, being selfish. I wasn't the victim this week, even though I'm sure I told myself I was. My husband, my amazing and wonderful husband endures a rough work environment every single day where his hard work, patience and kindness is overlooked the majority of the time and he still moves on with his life and makes the best of it. I admire that quality in him.
      This week I learned that I need to be more patient with everything, especially Kyle. I need to let go of those things that bother ME and I need to start thinking of others more. I'm so quick to anger and that's something that needs serious control. I know that's not a good path to go down. I blame others before I even consider myself as being unreasonable. There are going to be people that peeve me off to no end and that I can't stand, and believe me my first thought is to be hateful towards them. My dad is the the most patient man that I know, and hatred is NEVER ever something that crosses his mind and I want to strive to be like that. I think that I would be at peace with myself and more importantly others.
      I sat down today and flipped to Romans 12:9-21. The part that really hit home for me was vs 9-13:
" Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor. serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality." I prayed so much this week. More than I have in probably a month or so. It's embarrassing and I can't stand that I ONLY lean on God when I need Him. I need to be "faithful in prayer". Good and bad. So I think I already have a few New Year's resolutions that are going to start a half a month early. 1) Pray daily--several times! 2) Practice patience 3) Put others before myself especially if I'm angry or upset. And 4) Be a good, loving, supportive wife. He only deserves the best and I need to make it my life goal to treat him like a king.

I think I need to re-read Proverbs 31 again...

Thankful

It's November 15, 2011 and the weather is AMAZING. I've been able to have the windows open two days in a row and the thermostat actually went up. I really wish for a winter with no snow. Well, maybe one or two, but that's it. The only way I enjoy snow now that I'm older and have responsibilities is if Kyle and I have food in the house and neither of us have to go anywhere. Stay cuddled under blankets and watch movies or read books. Oh and falling snow makes everything seem peaceful and quiet. But when I have to drive in it...blah. That's where I just don't. Anyway, I captioned this post 'Thankful' and I'm not really sounding thankful. I am so grateful that where I live can experience all 4 seasons God has given us. As much as I can't stand the snow I can't imagine what Christmas time would be like without it. I absolutely love fall. The changing colors of the leaves, the briskness in the air, hoodies and sweatpants, apple cider and Thanksgiving.
This will be the first year I will need to coordinate my holidays with both my family AND Kyle's family. Sure, when we were dating it was complicated too, but this will be our first Christmas together and though family is important, I don't want to get so stressed out about pleasing and seeing everybody and forget about us. It sounds strange but we're our own family now, even if it is just the two of us. All that said, I'm thankful for the family we both have. We were both blessed with truly amazing family members.
I am also very thankful for days off!! Kyle has been working over time for the past month and a half or so and I finally convinced him to use up some of his vacation days. Him and my dad are the same....hard working, no time to take a break blah blah blah. Yes, that's very respectable but if you can't stop and smell the roses every so often then what's the point? So he has two days off this week and we're gonna stay overnight in a hotel 15 minutes away and indulge in their jacuzzi tub. (PS- I'm so adding a jacuzzi tub to the dream house wish list). Hopefully this mini vacation from work will help him relax a bit and give him some "me time".
I'm thankful for Thanksgiving break. My amazing friends are coming home for a week or so and I am so excited. Meghan lives up the road from me and we have so many plans already. I'm going to some concerts with another friend and of course I get to see family and eat yummy food!


Random: Our power went out for about an hour today and even though I had tons of fun lighting all my candles, I am so thankful for electricity! Walking around in the dark really is no fun.

And so ends another post...
random and scatterbrained as usual.

All About Me

So this is my first post and I'm kind of excited. I figure I'll just go into detail about who I am. I was born and raised in a Christian home and went to church every Sunday. I have a little brother named Ryan and he's graduating high school in May next year. He wants to go to school to be a chef and he has high hopes to open and run a restaurant of his own one day. As far as siblings go we have had a good relationship. I treasure that. I went to Veritas Academy, a classical Christian school from 1st grade to 12th. I graduated in 2008 and attended LBC for a semester. All through high school I was shy and quiet and if I had opinions I would keep them to myself. I commuted to LBC which wasn't great for me. Because of my shyness and personality I hardly talked to anyone. Ultimately I decided to finish the semester and find a job while I figured out what I wanted to do. My biggest dream is to be a wife and a mom. No career or job sticks out to me so my motivation for school was never a huge thing. Anyway, I ended up working at a grocery store and just as I was at peace with who I was and being single I met my husband, Kyle. God sure has a sense of humor. So, two-ish years later we got married. We've been married for almost 5 months now and things are wonderful. We understand each other and we're both weird and crazy so we have a lot of fun together. So right now, we have an apartment, he works full time at a bank and I'm able to work part time for right now. He does a wonderful job providing for us and that's only one reason why I love him so much. I could go on forever talking about him, but I'll spare you the details. Very recently God started to open my eyes and I've started to feel like I need to work on being a better wife. I can tend to be on the lazy side most days and sitting around reading a book or watching tv or surfing the web after work is a huge temptation. I need to do better with cleaning and cooking etc...God has blessed me with this wonderful life and I refuse to waste it by doing things for myself. Kyle takes care of me and I should do my part and take care of him. Being married has been a big change for me and I think now that I'm more aware of my duties I will have more motivation to accomplish them.
SOOO I'm sure this wasn't very interesting at all but I think I started this blog to kind of just write out my thoughts and struggles. Sometimes talking things out helps. We'll see how this goes!