They say that the first year of marriage is the hardest. Obviously I don't have enough experience to know if it's the hardest but it sure isn't easy. I think Kyle and I are still in the honeymoon phase but we're also very aware of reality as well. No matter what, he always makes me the happiest girl in the world, and I LOVE that. Recently there have been stresses at work which in turn puts some stress on us. I suppose that's normal in any marriage. Except, I feel like it shouldn't be normal. At least not the "us" part. As much as I hate to admit this, I'm most of the reason that there has been stress at home. I have a temper, I'm quite emotional ( and over-emotional) and very very selfish. I can't stand that I am these things and they have always been a problem. I have my days where I can't stand myself and then I throw a pity party, of course only making things worse instead of putting effort into improving them. This week especially has been tough. Without boring you with details, basically Kyle would come home from an EXTREMELY long day at work and I would be angry at him for not letting me know that he'll be late again. By the way- this happens almost everyday. At first, I blamed him, then I blamed his job and coworkers. But no, I have now come to realize that the true problem is yours truly. Yeah sure, maybe some of his coworkers are lazy and don't do what their supposed to, and yes maybe Kyle really is busy the whole day so his first thought obviously won't be to text or call me, but to do his best and finish his work so he can leave and come home to me.
I was so blinded by selfishness all I did was worry about Kyle not texting ME, Kyle not talking to ME, not coming home to see ME when his schedule said he was supposed to. Maybe this hell week wasn't all bad. It sucked for sure but I think God needs to do that...to open our eyes and realize how selfish we can be. See here I go again, being selfish. I wasn't the victim this week, even though I'm sure I told myself I was. My husband, my amazing and wonderful husband endures a rough work environment every single day where his hard work, patience and kindness is overlooked the majority of the time and he still moves on with his life and makes the best of it. I admire that quality in him.
This week I learned that I need to be more patient with everything, especially Kyle. I need to let go of those things that bother ME and I need to start thinking of others more. I'm so quick to anger and that's something that needs serious control. I know that's not a good path to go down. I blame others before I even consider myself as being unreasonable. There are going to be people that peeve me off to no end and that I can't stand, and believe me my first thought is to be hateful towards them. My dad is the the most patient man that I know, and hatred is NEVER ever something that crosses his mind and I want to strive to be like that. I think that I would be at peace with myself and more importantly others.
I sat down today and flipped to Romans 12:9-21. The part that really hit home for me was vs 9-13:
" Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor. serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality." I prayed so much this week. More than I have in probably a month or so. It's embarrassing and I can't stand that I ONLY lean on God when I need Him. I need to be "faithful in prayer". Good and bad. So I think I already have a few New Year's resolutions that are going to start a half a month early. 1) Pray daily--several times! 2) Practice patience 3) Put others before myself especially if I'm angry or upset. And 4) Be a good, loving, supportive wife. He only deserves the best and I need to make it my life goal to treat him like a king.
I think I need to re-read Proverbs 31 again...
