Learning through Struggling

They say that the first year of marriage is the hardest. Obviously I don't have enough experience to know if it's the hardest but it sure isn't easy. I think Kyle and I are still in the honeymoon phase but we're also very aware of reality as well. No matter what, he always makes me the happiest girl in the world, and I LOVE that. Recently there have been stresses at work which in turn puts some stress on us. I suppose that's normal  in any marriage. Except, I feel like it shouldn't be normal. At least not the "us" part. As much as I hate to admit this, I'm most of the reason that there has been stress at home. I have a temper, I'm quite emotional ( and over-emotional) and very very selfish. I can't stand that I am these things and they have always been a problem. I have my days where I can't stand myself and then I throw a pity party, of course only making things worse instead of putting effort into improving them. This week especially has been tough. Without boring you with details, basically Kyle would come home from an EXTREMELY long day at work and I would be angry at him for not letting me know that he'll be late again. By the way- this happens almost everyday. At first, I blamed him, then I blamed his job and coworkers. But no, I have now come to realize that the true problem is yours truly. Yeah sure, maybe some of his coworkers are lazy and don't do what their supposed to, and yes maybe Kyle really is busy the whole day so his first thought obviously won't be to text or call me, but to do his best and finish his work so he can leave and come home to me.
      I was so blinded by selfishness all I did was worry about Kyle not texting ME, Kyle not talking to ME, not coming home to see ME when his schedule said he was supposed to. Maybe this hell week wasn't all bad. It sucked for sure but I think God needs to do that...to open our eyes and realize how selfish we can be. See here I go again, being selfish. I wasn't the victim this week, even though I'm sure I told myself I was. My husband, my amazing and wonderful husband endures a rough work environment every single day where his hard work, patience and kindness is overlooked the majority of the time and he still moves on with his life and makes the best of it. I admire that quality in him.
      This week I learned that I need to be more patient with everything, especially Kyle. I need to let go of those things that bother ME and I need to start thinking of others more. I'm so quick to anger and that's something that needs serious control. I know that's not a good path to go down. I blame others before I even consider myself as being unreasonable. There are going to be people that peeve me off to no end and that I can't stand, and believe me my first thought is to be hateful towards them. My dad is the the most patient man that I know, and hatred is NEVER ever something that crosses his mind and I want to strive to be like that. I think that I would be at peace with myself and more importantly others.
      I sat down today and flipped to Romans 12:9-21. The part that really hit home for me was vs 9-13:
" Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor. serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality." I prayed so much this week. More than I have in probably a month or so. It's embarrassing and I can't stand that I ONLY lean on God when I need Him. I need to be "faithful in prayer". Good and bad. So I think I already have a few New Year's resolutions that are going to start a half a month early. 1) Pray daily--several times! 2) Practice patience 3) Put others before myself especially if I'm angry or upset. And 4) Be a good, loving, supportive wife. He only deserves the best and I need to make it my life goal to treat him like a king.

I think I need to re-read Proverbs 31 again...

Thankful

It's November 15, 2011 and the weather is AMAZING. I've been able to have the windows open two days in a row and the thermostat actually went up. I really wish for a winter with no snow. Well, maybe one or two, but that's it. The only way I enjoy snow now that I'm older and have responsibilities is if Kyle and I have food in the house and neither of us have to go anywhere. Stay cuddled under blankets and watch movies or read books. Oh and falling snow makes everything seem peaceful and quiet. But when I have to drive in it...blah. That's where I just don't. Anyway, I captioned this post 'Thankful' and I'm not really sounding thankful. I am so grateful that where I live can experience all 4 seasons God has given us. As much as I can't stand the snow I can't imagine what Christmas time would be like without it. I absolutely love fall. The changing colors of the leaves, the briskness in the air, hoodies and sweatpants, apple cider and Thanksgiving.
This will be the first year I will need to coordinate my holidays with both my family AND Kyle's family. Sure, when we were dating it was complicated too, but this will be our first Christmas together and though family is important, I don't want to get so stressed out about pleasing and seeing everybody and forget about us. It sounds strange but we're our own family now, even if it is just the two of us. All that said, I'm thankful for the family we both have. We were both blessed with truly amazing family members.
I am also very thankful for days off!! Kyle has been working over time for the past month and a half or so and I finally convinced him to use up some of his vacation days. Him and my dad are the same....hard working, no time to take a break blah blah blah. Yes, that's very respectable but if you can't stop and smell the roses every so often then what's the point? So he has two days off this week and we're gonna stay overnight in a hotel 15 minutes away and indulge in their jacuzzi tub. (PS- I'm so adding a jacuzzi tub to the dream house wish list). Hopefully this mini vacation from work will help him relax a bit and give him some "me time".
I'm thankful for Thanksgiving break. My amazing friends are coming home for a week or so and I am so excited. Meghan lives up the road from me and we have so many plans already. I'm going to some concerts with another friend and of course I get to see family and eat yummy food!


Random: Our power went out for about an hour today and even though I had tons of fun lighting all my candles, I am so thankful for electricity! Walking around in the dark really is no fun.

And so ends another post...
random and scatterbrained as usual.

All About Me

So this is my first post and I'm kind of excited. I figure I'll just go into detail about who I am. I was born and raised in a Christian home and went to church every Sunday. I have a little brother named Ryan and he's graduating high school in May next year. He wants to go to school to be a chef and he has high hopes to open and run a restaurant of his own one day. As far as siblings go we have had a good relationship. I treasure that. I went to Veritas Academy, a classical Christian school from 1st grade to 12th. I graduated in 2008 and attended LBC for a semester. All through high school I was shy and quiet and if I had opinions I would keep them to myself. I commuted to LBC which wasn't great for me. Because of my shyness and personality I hardly talked to anyone. Ultimately I decided to finish the semester and find a job while I figured out what I wanted to do. My biggest dream is to be a wife and a mom. No career or job sticks out to me so my motivation for school was never a huge thing. Anyway, I ended up working at a grocery store and just as I was at peace with who I was and being single I met my husband, Kyle. God sure has a sense of humor. So, two-ish years later we got married. We've been married for almost 5 months now and things are wonderful. We understand each other and we're both weird and crazy so we have a lot of fun together. So right now, we have an apartment, he works full time at a bank and I'm able to work part time for right now. He does a wonderful job providing for us and that's only one reason why I love him so much. I could go on forever talking about him, but I'll spare you the details. Very recently God started to open my eyes and I've started to feel like I need to work on being a better wife. I can tend to be on the lazy side most days and sitting around reading a book or watching tv or surfing the web after work is a huge temptation. I need to do better with cleaning and cooking etc...God has blessed me with this wonderful life and I refuse to waste it by doing things for myself. Kyle takes care of me and I should do my part and take care of him. Being married has been a big change for me and I think now that I'm more aware of my duties I will have more motivation to accomplish them.
SOOO I'm sure this wasn't very interesting at all but I think I started this blog to kind of just write out my thoughts and struggles. Sometimes talking things out helps. We'll see how this goes!